The Value of Compassion, Part 2

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Whenever I felt like I was going out of my mind, I walked  along the Swan River.  I walked alone, mile after mile, at times for the whole day.  There was a secluded spot that was somewhat a sanctuary and at the same time an enticing place to just walk deeper and deeper into the water and not look back.  Death seemed so blissful then.


I forced myself to stay away from the place and sought refuge in the library instead.  Three books provided significant roadmaps to help me move out of my confusion:


Alan Watts. The Meaning of Happiness: The Quest for Freedom of the Spirit in Modern Psychology and the Wisdom of the East 


Erich Fromm. The Art of Loving 


Viktor E. Frankl. Man's Search for Meaning 


I plucked the courage to major in psychology.  I was always curious about the underlying mechanisms of people's behaviours.  I managed to enroll in three subjects: psychology, anthropology, and basic philosophy.  I had to take another class to be considered a full time student.  Not many classes were open.  The period to drop and change classes was almost ending.  Since I tended to score well  in mathematics, I enrolled in one, even though I had very little interest in it.  


When I entered the room where I was supposed to get my form signed, "Good morning Dr. XYZ", he smiled.  He took my form, "No Halijah, just mister".  I was pleased he pronounced my name correctly.  Most Australians called me "Halaija", which bothered me no end.  "Difficult to do something original in maths to get a PhD.  Are you intending to take up mathematics seriously?".  "Hmm ..I am just exploring it for now" I answered timidly, scared to be honest.  "Since you have missed a fair bit, do come and see me if you have problems".  I felt somewhat comforted, he seemed sincerely willing to help.  


The maths class was another matter.  If I remember correctly, about 80% of the students were males.  They nicknamed me the "designer girl", probably because my clothes were unique, as explained in my previous post.  I suffered cognitive dissonance when I was considered attractive, putting stress on an already fragile self structure.  Cognitive dissonance can be defined as the stress that arises when an internal representation is discrepant from the external reality.

https://youtu.be/xVR4n8NbSBs


https://youtu.be/9Y17YaZRRvY


My mother took great pains to point out how small my eyes were, how flat my nose was, and my ears were so big they could be used as sails!  It came as a shock that there were males wanting to take me out.  I politely answered that I was married.  When I asked for help, some were willing, but then would start touching my hair, or became overly friendly.  In the end, I had to seek Mr.  XYZ.  Even when I was tearful, he would patiently wait.  His quiet compassion helped me feel calm and slowly allowed me to restructure my life, a step at a time.  It was as simple as that, a willingness to make time and space to accompany a person on a difficult journey.  Even when not many words were shared.  On paper, it seemed so easy, but in life, it was hard to find.



Websites: www.distilledmoment.com

                 www.redha.net

Email.    : distilledmoment@gmail.com

Instagram username : halijah.mohd

Twitter handle: @distilledmoment



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